October 26th, 2006

Let the girls live!

I have just returned from yet another screening of a low-budget horror flick seeking distribution. Because this one is made by friends of friends (and because it doesn't really matter because it will never find said distribution anyway), I'm not going to tell you the title. All you need to know is this: It starts by offering us portraits of five women who enjoy getting physical, aren't afraid to sock the occasional guy or two, and are smarter and funnier than the average slasher film heroines.

So, do I need to tell you where this is leading? You guessed it: Their van runs out of gas in the backwoods (or does it crash? I'm not really sure). A family of psychobillies comes after 'em. And they turn into shrieking violets and axe fodder.

Of course the film is also utterly without a shred of logic (my favorite line is when a mysterious hero shows up to save the damsels-in-distress and recalls the time the maniacs chopped off his arm: "Took me five hours to find my way out of the forest", he tells us, as the flashback shows him staggering through trees with his new stump a-gushing). But I would have been willing to forego some logic had the film given us something truly new, and let the women stay tough and survive. Hey, there's a new concept! Women who are tough! Who can bond together to overcome inbred backwoods nutjobs! Wow!

Don't look at me - I tried with Blood Angels (which at least is still better than this thing was). Unfortunately, the rewrite of Blood Angels, like all the rest of the dreck, saw fit to turn my kickass heroines into pawns of the male antagonist, only so they could fall before the mighty wrath of Lorenzo Lamas one by one (when they weren't being mocked by the director and his nonsensical Charlie's Angels-style fight choreography, that is).

I don't understand - if you've got a small budget and less restrictions, then why not take bigger chances and make something that will stand out? Why not risk giving us strong women, and logic, and situations that haven't been lifted from a hundred other horror films? I have lots of female (and male!) friends who would go friggin' nuts for a movie like this. It would be a guaranteed money earner.

C'mon, somebody...grow some balls (and yes, I do mean that in the most ironic sense) and make it.