December 30th, 2005

Best of 2005

Forget all those other bogus "Best of" lists for 2005; here's mine. Yes, I've really been collecting these all year, so enjoy! (BTW, you can't have "Flaming Maws of Night-time" for a story title, because I'm claiming that one.)

Lisa's List of the Best Spam Subject Lines of 2005:

The rubbings changed her (mortgage co.)
Re: willows struck up louder, (mortgage co.)
Re: flaming maws of night-time (?)
black suede bows held (mortgage co.)
broaden your centerLine, Woman improver (breast enhancement)
Ch-eap Like Shit pTgb9R (drugs)
See the difference crosswalk (penis enhancement)
intensify result of adoration (lubricant)
aptitude beatnik (watches)
Be a pimp make money in porn- cerebral cry
then the two killers (mortgage co.)
awkward baptismal (cable buster)
how about a thick gastro (?)
walgreen stomach (dating service)
Unbelievable - Soul-mending Movie of Actors (naughty celebs)
Re: nameless protective deiries (dating service)
tornado 9851 necromancers (penis enlargement)
Scare girls away with blasting cumshots (I dunno, for, men?)
Specal Offer on WndOws 95 (bootleg software - and received from "Sydney Gay, Weaponsmith, Biotechnology Information Institute", to boot!)
A great creampie internal (?)
How to hypnotize (subtle way to get laid)
me audible fanny hotbed zesty (stock investing)
Pliable and dissolvable tablets for literal humans (pills)
have a puff up time, get your upper trunk bigger,for gals only (? breast enhancement?)
reak away from all the hassles and troubles (discount drugs)
Everyone Need This Gryniuk (drugs)
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast (drugs)
bourgeois amoeba (home loans)
bless transmutation (mortgage loans)
does it squirm and not squirt (penis enlargement)
vampire grateful (penis enlargement)
brontosaurus necessary (for a mortgage loan?)
rockabye crucifix (Canadian pharmacy)
re: poop evolvent (Viagra)

Special Bonus: The Weirdest Thing I Saw in 2005:

Yesterday I took my cat Buster to the vet's for booster shots. While I sat in the waiting room, a man walked in with two odd little dogs - they looked like an improbable cross between a Boston Bull Terrier and a Dalmatian, with a Bostie's build, small size and face, but humongous ears and white coats with light black spots. So as I'm thinking, Huh, what odd little dogs...a new man enters with his Corgi, which of course sets off the two Ter-mations - except that one of these dogs doesn't bark, it screams. I'm not kidding. This dog screams like a woman being murdered. Everybody in the clinic sticks their head out to find out who's shrieking; the poor guy with the Corgi sits frozen in terror (as does the Corgi). Of course The Screaming Dog's owner blithely continues his cell-phone conversation throughout this shrill madness...